The Battle of the Sexes (or something like it)

I've always wondered if the battle of the sexes was in fact a battle. It seems rather hysterical to equate human interaction to something as dramatic as a battle. Battles are violent, brutal and just generally horrid. Is that what the male-female interaction can be reduced to? It certainly doesn't feel like that when you're 16 years old and new to the dating game or if you've successfully been indoctrinated by the wondrous rom-coms of Hollywood. In both those cases, you're hopeful, optimistic, and believe more in the beauty of the match-up than the destruction of the twosome. Because at the end of the day the beginning is wonderful, but it's about as wonderful as the end is horrific. It's easy to define the feelings that one has at the start and at the end, but I guess it's the middle that constitutes the battle. Or maybe it's the build up to the start that's the battle, or perhaps even surviving the end. The truth is the more I think about it, the more the entire thing seems like one long, arduous battle. Hmm, it hardly seems worth it.

Take my current situation. It's more of a non-situation situation, but it feels like a battle of wills. My will to survive the emotional onslaught of being in this non-sit., and his will to have me fail in my mission. Sidenote: if I could have any super power it would be the ability to read minds. This is so I can make some sense of the seeming jibberish that comes out of the mouth of males. That would be my weapon of choice in my war against Jay. He, on the other hand, needs no other weapon that his big, fat mouth. He uses words against my sanity like well aimed missiles. I'm assuming his Greek background makes for well designed, highly calculated strategic battle maneuvers. My own background makes for easy domination (I'm from a post-colonial country) and so I feel as if I should surrender. And I believe I finally have. Let Jay say what he wants, insinuate what he wants and fuck with my head however he wants, but I am beyond all that. I have liberated myself from the battle by totally ignoring everything he says. I am beyond. I am so far ahead in this battle that I'm at the end of it, while he wanders around doing stupid battle things completely ignorant of the fact that I am no longer participating. I am so over it (hmmm, is that a song? cause it should be). Makes me want to sing a pop ballad about having overcome. So, the next time he says something designed to make me wonder, question, worry and say things like, "I wonder what he meant by that?" I will instead say, "I am beyond."

(middle of a conversation about what we think when we first meet people)

Jay: "When I first meet people I think about whether I'm going to end up loving them of hating them."

Me: "You've thought about hating me!?"

Jay: "Well, I've also thought about loving you."
Me: [on the inside: What the fuck does he mean by that????]

[on the outside: I make very strange facial expressions to convey my confusion]

NEXT TIME: "Hmm, interesting." [on the inside: I am beyond!]

Yeah, that's right, I am beyond. There may be a battle of the sexes, but I'm no longer involved.

(Sidenote: Did that rhyme? Because that makes for one awesome ending!]