Friday, 21 December 2007

I Wikky-Wookie with pinecones while Asian Wrecking on the cold patios of Irish Pubs (wording/spelling intended)


Words are very special things. They can be used to make sense of a senseless world or they can be used to make a senseless world more senseless(?) See what I did there, I used a bunch of words to explain what words are and probably confused the entire concept of wording (is that a word?)

Alright, the whole point of that was to explain my philosophy in life.....to be alive is to have fun with words. Yeah, ok, so that may not be my entire philosophy in life, but it's up there with "if you eat McDonald's you will feel guilty immediately afterwards (it's the worst moment-after feeling)" and "lying to liars is a necessary means of balancing the universe (think about it...it'll digest very well, definitely better than the McDonalds)". Anyway, what I meant to say was that having fun with words is, well...fun-tastic. It's the most liberated a person can feel outside of marching in the rain burning a bra that won't actually burn (rain+fire=unsatisfying results). So mix your words up, do a word mixer, mixy-maxy your wording, make up sayings as if you're running a marathon in loafers, add a few spelling errors a la "wikky-wookie" (later defined) for words that don't even have a legitimate spelling (revolutionary...I think so).

Hmmm, what is that I hear? You want examples? I would be delighted.

1) Want to break up with your significant other? Feeling like the words already out there are dated and overused? Here, try this:

You: [Douchebag Boyfriend's Name] we need to talk.
Douchebag Boyfriend: Yes.
You: You're gone.....gone like a pinecone on the grass.
Douchebag Boyfriend: Huh? [Confused as always, what an idiot...what did you see in him???]
You: I'm the tree, and you're the pinecone....Bitch, you're done, get on the grass!
[Knee him in the groin, but if not feeling really bitchy simply walk away while contemplating kneeing him in the groin.]

2) Your friend has a pair of shoes on, boots perhaps, but without any socks. You would like to explain what that feeling is when your sockless feet rub inside your shoes. Unfortunately, there is no current word out there to describe such a feeling....except for, maybe, perhaps.... "wikky-wookie".

You: Hey, you're not wearing socks with those shoes?
Friend: No, my boots are lined with fur.
You: But doesn't that give you that....you know, that "wikky-wookie" feeling. [accompanied with wiggling finger movements because visuals are always good aids]

As you can see, life is just one big opportunity to flex your intellectual muscles. Use your intelligence to make crap up and use words as the means in which to make it all happen. It is the one great freedom in life, being able to be a word maker-upper (checkmate!)

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