Excuse my fat ass.

I spent part of last night watching Penn & Teller: Bullshit! on Showtime via my new favorite TV website www.surfthechannel.com. I had my choice of episodes and stumbled upon one named Exercise v.s. Genetics. I had to watch it as a woman, like many others, who has struggled with her weight most of her adult life. Because of this brilliant show with a serious no bullshit attitude, and a penchant for dirty words (fuck is a favorite of theirs and mine) I was once again reminded that you are your genes. As a university graduate from a biology and physiology program with more knowledge about genetics than the average person I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to forget that. I'm a fuckin endomorph. I'm not going to be predisposed to being tall and lean like an ectomorph (although bless the God who made me tall and therefore hid some of my endomorphness) or have a muscular build that allows me to lose weight quickly making me a veritable fitness machine like a mesomorph. As an endomorph I am defined as: soft, round or curvy, and generally pear shaped, predisposed to gaining fat and muscle easily but with major trouble with losing weight and fat. Basically I'm genetically fucked and I should be happy with it, or at least that's what Penn & Teller tell me.

I'll put this into context. I'm generally athletic, I've been a tomboy my whole life, played sports throughout my teens, but I've never be skinny (well at least at no point past 14, really). I've never been truly fat either, although many people have called me that. In my mind if the average woman is a size 12, and I'm a size 12/14 I'm pretty normal, and not fat. But, after all, I'm not a size 4 and therefore, of course, I am indeed fat. I'm a lard ass. I shop at regular stores, and wear all the same things most people do, and just because bikinis scare the shit out of me doesn't mean I'm an obese monster. Granted I would love to lose a solid 25-30 pounds, but you know what, I'm not inclined to do it right now as my life is filled with more important things to take care of.... like my life!

Like most women who are not a size 4 I've received all the lovely epithets such as "You have such a beautiful face...if only you lost some weight" or "You probably shouldn't eat that" or "You should exercise more, its really good for your health" or "Do you know how much prettier you would be if you just lost some weight". Thanks, but no fuckin thanks. Who are these people who feel they have a right to comment on the state of my ass? Do you see me going up to skinny people and telling them to shove a pizza down their throats? NO! Because I'm apparently under the misconception that I don't have any right to involve myself in a person's eating habits, fitness habits or their physical appearance. What's next? Do I tell the girl with a slightly larger nose to get a nose job? Tell the brunette to go blonde? Who gives a fuck, really? So I can't wear a bikini....I can still have a stimulating, intelligent conversation about poverty, AIDS, world hunger, global warming, evolution, and genetics! Why does that not count for anything? Oh that's right, I can't have this conversation while wearing a belly top and short shorts (as if I would even if I could!) therefore its obsolete.

I am proposing that I lose 5 pounds for every important and legitimate personal character trait that I have. So....

- 5 pounds = I am intelligent woman who is very well educated.
- 5 pounds = I am a kind, generous human being who focuses more on being a good person than the state of her thighs.
- 5 pounds = I care deeply about alleviating world poverty, decreasing anthropogenic damage to the earth, taking strong measures to control AIDS and the promotion of free trade
- 5 pounds = I can have an intelligent conversation on a multitude of topics
- 5 pounds = I think I'm funny as hell
- 5 pounds = I find it much more satisfying to give a very personal, thoughtful gift to a friend than to receive one myself

Would you look at that....that's my 25-30 pounds gone in a flash. If only it were that easy to win over the world without getting on a treadmill. The irony of it all is that I am not an over eater (in fact I get full after a second slice of pizza) and I eat very healthy (hell, I'm a vegetarian now), but, damn it, I'm an endomorph. Excuse my genetics.

I do love food because it is a wonderful part of life. Experiencing the flavors, the cultures and the differences in each dish is a gift that is not afforded to all. Many people starve in the world every day and yet somehow in the developed world we are so disdainful of such a life sustaining product. I'm going to make it a point to tell the 25,000 people a day that die of starvation that they should hate food because it'll make them fat. It is this disgustingly hypocritical, socially unaware rhetoric of the Western world that reminds me how absolutely ridiculous it is to worry about fat, rather than to worry about important things....like starvation in the Third World!

So, after being called fat last Thursday by a man who is far bigger than me and told to exercise more by another man who I thought had the sense not to comment on my lifestyle, I want to say that I don't give a shit if I can wear a bikini. The value of life is not in the cellulite on ones thighs, the rolls on ones stomach, the stretch marks on ones arms, or the slight waddle is ones step. Good God people, do we not have bigger problems in the world? Are there not people dying from hunger, aids, poverty, war and injustice? Why are we so preoccupied with something that does not reflect a person's most important traits....like kindness, intelligence, awareness, humility. I sure as hell haven't seen a correlation between hotness and goodness.

At the end of the day I'd rather have a Ghandi than a Jessica Simpson. It is through the work of people who are not "traditionally" attractive that the world has come to see its greatest pioneers, activists, revolutionaries and leaders. Nelson Mandela is no Denzel Washington, Mother Theresa was no Halle Berry, Albert Einstein was no Brad Pitt and to make my point clear, nobody gave a crap if Anne Frank was skinny or fat. I ask you now, what does my weight have anything to do with who I am? If the answer is nothing then we all know where the problem lies....and that's not with me.