Putting brain to paper

In the past I've been extremely motivated by stories that I felt I needed to write. I was madly passionate about them. I especially had a need to make one of them the story, the one that would take me from a sometimes, dreamer writer to an actual one. Enter my neurotic issues. The problem I've found with my writing is that I am fickle like a 15 year old boy just discovering girls. Everything is exciting, the tension overwhelming and most of all the choices so limitless that one project quickly ends to make way for a new one. There lies my problem. I have a 5 minute attention span for any piece of writing I want to put together. Don't get me wrong though because those 5 minutes are the most exhilarating 5 minutes in the history of writing. But eventually the fizzle dies before I can get to page 35.

There was one time I wrote 120 pages of a story that now makes me want to hang myself in shame. I haven't looked at that thing since I was 21. That was it. At 21 I left all attempts to put together a decent story behind because I feared the hell out of losing interest in it. I didn't want to get tired of a really interesting story just because I couldn't seem to remain steadfast. The irony? I am the most steadfast person in the world! I like what I like and it usually stays that way until something catastrophic happens (which is rarely!). However, in the context of writing, I could have come up with the original Romeo & Juliet storyline and I would still have gotten bored if I had to write it. But I love the story! I can't imagine a world where Shakespeare did not write this beautiful tale. Yet if it had been left up to me Romeo & Juliet would have never been written. I would've been off gallivanting in my non-writer state after having got bored with the story. Why must I be this way? This is why blogging is so easy for me. A few paragraphs is short enough for me to remain interested, and boredom never has a chance to settle in. Damn me and my writer's A.D.D!

Anyway, I've come up with a really good story idea. One that I want to write out beautifully enough to perhaps, maybe, send out into the publishing world and see what happens. The thing is that I'm not quite sure where I'll be 5 minutes into writing it in terms of interest. Will I want to walk away? Or will I, for the first time, stand firm and be steadfast in finishing a story I think could be a great piece of work? Oh, who knows. Another problem is that I'm ridiculously pessimistic, and critical of anything that has to do with me writing. Therefore, while the story is a good one, I feel like it won't work and that I'll butcher it. Yep. And I can't seem to ever want to write when I have free time. That time is for sleeping, eating, and reading...all three intercepted with bouts of bitching. When I'm due to write 6 essays in 6 weeks I only want to write the great novel that is living inside of me. I am what you call truly fucked. But I'm pretty sure that's got to be a prerequisite to being a writer so I guess I might be on the right road. Now, if only I could stay on this road for longer that 5 minutes I would be set.....otherwise, see you in the nursing home's creative writing class in about 50 years where 5 minutes is the difference between living and croaking on a dirty linoleum floor.